i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We need to get me chipped asap
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize