i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
