I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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