i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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