just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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