well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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