I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
