i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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