What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
