I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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