i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
