Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
