Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
