it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
