oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize