your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
