John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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