I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
