I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
