Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
