I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
