I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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