Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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