One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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