when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
