I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
