I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
