She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
