I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
