My Higher Power is John Stamos
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
