...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
