I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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