I CAN MOONWALK!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
