do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
