got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
