Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
