Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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