I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
