Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize