Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
