So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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