woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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