It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
