girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize