these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
