yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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