I am in a vortex of obligation.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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