OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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