I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
