You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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