i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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