he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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