I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
