it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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