he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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