OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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