If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
