My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
