Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
