I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
