i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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