why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize