we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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