Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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