If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
