Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
