i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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