I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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