Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
