let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
