I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
