she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize