If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
