please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Less talking, more tequila
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
