ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
