the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
