Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
