WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
