My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
