Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
