Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
