i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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