You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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