So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
