I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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