I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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