i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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