And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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