butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
