Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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