It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
