i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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