Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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