You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize