and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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