Umm I'm too high to move.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
