i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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