I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
