Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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