his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
