i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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